Sunday, January 28, 2007

Life Right on Cue

Lately I've begun fearing the loss of animosity that comes with being famous more and more. I know I may seem a step ahead of myself, but really, am I? In L.A., though for one it can often take years to even scratch your name in the surface, for some it's just "poof!" and it happens. I think that I fear the latter more, for there's no build-up, no time to prepare. Your whole world is flipped on its end for all the world to see (literally, often in the form of NSFW photos on the internet) and life as you know it will never be the same.

Hypothetically you may ask as you read this, 'Why now? What made you finally actually think this through?' Last night I was out with some friends playing pool. I must admit, I'm pretty awful at playing pool and with a few drinks in me even worse, but never the less, decided that I had to do it against one of my friends who was a pretty decent shot at that. I spent the next twenty minutes aiming, missing, and pouting, but never giving up. Soon, one of the regulars was helping me line up my shots, trying to make my loss less obvious (if only not at all), and when a ball finally went into a pocket, the bystanders behind me (that I had been politely asking to move one way or the other all evening lest they be accidentally prodded with a cue) cheered wildly and high fived me. The crowd grew, and even though I ended up losing miserably, with three or four balls still on the table, I won in their eyes, and they "Way to go!"ed me and high fived me none the less. I felt like "America's Sweetheart" or something, and it was at that very second that I realized- I never want to be famous. For if I was famous, I could have never done any of that and been as important for all the same reasons.

People's opinions of a person change based on what they hear. The more public you are, the more fictional statements about you may be yes, but never the less people still to some degree believe them. Even worse, they love the fact that you're "normal"- even more accident and mistake prone than they are. And maybe that's why all those people cheered for me at pool- because I was really bad. But you know what? I don't care, because in that instance, I felt really good and was somebody- I was their Rocky, an underdog story- and for the first time in my life I felt acknowledged for just that- who I kind of am- and now who I was or am trying to be. I will continue to work hard, to "Kick Ass and Take Names" in this in industry, but the question will still linger- can one be successful in this industry without the notoriety that comes with it? Stay tuned to find out...

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